Where were you in 1977?

Last weekend I put  an exhaust fan in the ceiling for my wife's grandfather.  While my  wife's brother and I were fitting the fan in between the joists, we found  something under the insulation. What we found was this:
A  JC Penney catalog from 1977. It's not often blog fodder just falls in my  lap, but holy hell this was two solid inches of it, right there for the  taking. I thumbed through it quickly and found my next dining room set,  which is apparently made by adding upholstery to old barrels:
Also, I am totally getting this for my  bathroom:
There's plenty more home furnishings  where those came from, however I'm not going to bore you with that. Instead,  I'm going to bore you with something else. The clothes.

The clothes  are fantastic.
Here's how to get  your butt kicked in elementary school:

Just look at that belt. It's like a  boob-job for your pants. He probably needed help just to lift it into place.  The belt loops have to be three inches long. And way to pull them up to your  armpits, grandpa.

Here's how to get  your butt kicked in high school:

This kid looks like he's pretending to  be David Soul, who is pretending to be a cop who is pretending to be a pimp  that everyone knows is really an undercover cop. Who is pretending to be 15.  
Here's how to get  your butt kicked on the golf course:

This "all purpose jumpsuit" is,  according to the description, equally appropriate for playing golf or simply  relaxing around the house. Personally, I can't see wearing this unless you  happen to be relaxing around your cell  in D-block. Even then, the only reason you should put this thing  on is because the warden made you, and as a  one-piece.
Here's how to get  your butt kicked pretty much anywhere:

If  you look at that picture quickly, it looks like Mr. Bob "No-pants" Saget has  his hand in the other guy's pocket. In this case, he doesn't, although you  can tell just by looking at them that it's happened - or if it hasn't  happened it will. Oh yes. It will. As soon as he puts down his matching  coffee cup.
Here's how to get  your butt kicked at the beach:

He  looks like he's reaching for a gun, but you know it's probably just a bottle  of suntan lotion in a holster.
How to get your  butt kicked in a meeting:

If  you wear this suit and don't  sell used cars for a living, I believe you can be fined and face  serious repercussions, up to and including termination. Or imprisonment, in  which case you'd be forced to wear that orange jumpsuit.  
How to get your  butt kicked on every day up to and including St. Patrick's  Day

Dear god in heaven, I don't believe that  color exists in nature. There is N O excuse for wearing either of these  ensembles unless you're working as a body guard for the Lucky Charms  leprechaun.

In this next one, Your Search For VALUE Ends at  Penneys.

As  does your search for chest hair.
And this -- Seriously. No  words.

Oh  wait, it turns out that there are words after all. Those words are  What. The.  H***     I'm guessing the  snap front gives you quick access to the chest hair. The little tie must be  the pull tab.

Also, judging by the sheer amount of matching his/hers  outfits, I'm guessing that in 1977 it was considered pretty stylish for  couples to dress alike. These couples look happy, don't they?


I  am especially fond of this one, which I have entitled "Cowboy Chachi Loves  You Best."

And nothing showcases your everlasting  love more than the commitment of matching bathing suits.

Then, after strolling the pool, you can relax in  your one-piece matching terry cloth jumpsuits:

I  could go on, but I'm tired, and my eyes hurt from this trip back in time. I  think it's the colors. That said, I will leave you with these tasteful  little numbers:

Man, that's sexy.